Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Earthday--- today's mathematics: wisdom cypher

Like everyday,

I'm grateful for life.  I'm grateful to see 35 in good mental, physical, and emotional health.  I'm trusting that the universe will bless me with more life experiences so that I can continue to gain wisdom that I can pass on to my baby girl.  As this fortune cookie stares back at me reads "Live each day as though it were your last,"  I intend to take heed and still balance it with being in this world and not of it.  That is my bdy gift and promise to myself...
Happy birthday to me.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I want ya mind fuck the money (c) Jay Electronica

On my Jay Electronica this am..... Enjoi

Dealing-Jay Electronica

At nighttime all I do is pray and cry homie
Cause everytime I call home somebody dying on me
And every time I look around somebody lying on me
Mr cheney mr ridge steady spyin on me
I got one foot in the grave one foot in the gutter
One foot on the camera lens one foot on the shutter
I'm trying to stop time so I can breathe, man I'm grindin
Play record low pause fast forward rewindin
The truth is the light, but absolutely blindin
And niggas feel the pain on they brain when you remind them
About them project wars that we confined in
About them six by eight cells we linin
Bricks on consignment
A nigga lost his iron and club behind the diamond
The cops hit him with a club
He swung back they hit him with a slug
Then the judge hit him with a dub
His baby mama threw up
The saga continues...

I was born to clash with the fake
Harassin with jake
Lay real low in the grass with the snakes
Torment em with the fire when they raise they head
And I'm sorta just like elijah cause I raise they dead
After the stink and rot for days in the grave that I rose from
Deport the dead part of the game then the flows come
Flood the industry with three quarters of life
I'm takin this world of sa-tan to war with a mic
Please god back me as I swing the sword of the christ
Wavy hair fiery eyes,
Not entirely wise
Provoking these devils go to war with they squad
After war show em to the after party with god
I stroll the blocks with a dope man bop
I'm high caliber
My team shine supreme we gleam on you amateurs
I stay big sportin fedoras
Charcoal braid tweed sport coat jeans and diadoras

Ya'll niggas ain't really really ready for muhammad because I'm hungry
Grimey and grungy
I want ya mind fuck the money
Don't get me wrong, I want cream and all that
But if that's your only objective in rap you all wack
I make the untrue niggas head sweat like skull caps
Hall back launchin a bolo makin they skull crack
Singin them dull raps
Like that was hot shit
Shit, I was sayin that back in the 80s
When niggas was rockin emblems off the back of mercedes
On rope chains
Back when niggas thought of cookin rocks outta cocaine
I was hot then, a little poor nigga spittin the vicious
Flavor delicious poetic swift shit
I regulate in the ring like P. whitaker
One rhyme get rid a ya
I won't even consider ya
For battle
You schools on speed I'm full throttle
Used to be in clubs tossing chairs and cracked bottles
Ruckus and ra ra, made my rhymes my dekea
Livin leyenda, numer un contenda
Never let a day slip by without agenda
That's just a little due from farrakhan to remember
So ke capasa,
Representanto for el rasa
Niggas wanna step but they legs too short to salsa
You got courage I'll blast it out ya
Seriously doubt chya
Spit til ya blueprint is ripped, then re-route chya

(lyrics compliment of urbanlyrics.com)

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

and to add to that .....

Huemans often use the terms emotion and feeling interchangeably. There is, however, a distinct difference between the two.

Consider, when we visualize someone who is emotional, we often picture someone who is in a state of distress. This distress can manifest itself as anger, jealousy, or abuse for example. However, when we speak of a person who feels, the thought is usually of someone who is caring and thoughtful. One who feels is often moved by how others are affected by the trials and tribulations of life and they want to assist in the betterment of those lives. It is often said about such a person that they feel very deeply.

When someone is in a state of emotionalism, it usually results in the person being unbalanced or better stated, not at peace. Emotionalism is a reaction rather than a response to life, the difference being that when we react, we give our life force over to that thing or person to which we are reacting and in many cases it boomerangs back on us, quite often in ways that leave in their wake ripples of pain that are seemingly unending. For instance, humanity is very emotional about religion. Each religious sect believes that it has found the key to the kingdom. This belief runs so deep that it is almost impossible to have an open discussion without members of one sect or another taking personal offense to what is being said about their god. The irony is that many religious people often claim to be peaceful, tolerant and understanding; yet, you have merely to study history and/or watch modern news reports to know that our emotionalism as it relates to religion has and continues to wreak havoc in the lives of "believers" and "nonbelievers" alike. The fallout from emotionalism touches not only the object of the emotion but the source of it as well.

To respond to life is to take action or not to take action, with a keen understanding of the relationship between cause and effect and a complete willingness to take full responsibility. Thus, response is conscious whereas reaction is unconscious. Response may not be consistent but it is always authentic. Response is intelligence in action. As such, one may respond quickly but one never responds in haste, one may mull things over but one is always decisive, and one may be uncertain but one always moves with clarity of thought.

The person who responds feels his way through life. The person who reacts thinks his way through life. It is not that thinking is bad. The problem arises because our thoughts are not our own. We have assimilated the thoughts of our environment (parents, society, institutions, etc.) We have been schooled to think in a certain way and this schooling runs deep in us, so deep that when something triggers a certain program of this schooling, we react. A feeling person will not react, at least not as much as an emotional person. Should the feeler react, you can be almost certain that he/she has slipped into emotionalism.

To feel is to know life. It is to flow with the tide instead of against it. The person who feels also understands and their understanding (because of feeling) will have a depth to it the emotionalism cannot provide. Feeling allows you to see past the illusion of another's words or deeds. It will give you the ability to see beyond the periphery. When your feelings are finely tuned you will begin to gradually release emotionality, you will move into a peaceful space, and you will begin to interact with others from this space; And, because this space is a healing space you will become a magnate to which others who are in need of healing will be attracted. Others will say of you that you are calm, laid back, and they will want to know your secret.

You may be surprised to learn that emotionalism is a result of repressed feelings. We have been cut off from our true nature. We have become beings of logic alone. We reside mostly in our heads. Almost all of our life interactions are filtered through rationalization. We rarely give voice to our "gut" feeling. Still, we can only silence our feelings; we cannot kill them. They will continually seek to be expressed and if they cannot be expressed via the natural course then they will choose the only path open to them (emotion). Because, however, emotion is not the true course, all that flows from it will be distorted.

It will take practice to move away from one's emotions. In order to decrease your reactions you must turn inward. Watch yourself. Begin to take note of when you are becoming emotional and pay attention to what is causing your emotion to surface. Do not focus on what someone else is saying or doing. The seed of emotionalism lies within you. Thus, that is were your attention needs to be. Think of it in this way: Let's say someone goes to a home looking for you, if you do not reside at that address, then they will not find you there. Now think of your consciousness as this home and anger as the resident. If anger does not reside within you, no amount of knocking at the door will bring it forth. No one can cause you to become angry; they can only add water to the seed that is already there. Practice watching your reactions and then choose to respond. The more you choose response the weaker emotionalism becomes. Over time, emotionalism will fall by the wayside. Subsequently, however, you will appear "unemotional" (unfeeling) to others.

The person who is centered, in feeling, often appears aloof and unconcerned (not worried) about what is happening in the external world. This person may even be accused of being unsympathetic to the plight of individual "tragedies." While it is true that the feeler is generally not a worrier nor a person of sympathy, they are nevertheless very empathetic. Empathy implies a deep connection that surpasses the physical. Because most of us are centered in the physical, the feeler, the person of empathy will in-fact be detached.

Detachment as it is misunderstood by the linear thinker would seem to be a bad thing. The connotation is that a detached person does not feel and is overly self-centered, caring only for themselves. Nothing could be further from the truth. Detachment in its pure form is an outgrowth of acceptance, of recognition of the multidimensional makeup of life, of recognition and embracing life's many paradoxes. It is merely another way of saying, be in the world but not of the world. Those who accept that the physical world is all there is, will not understand you. You will have moved beyond the singularity of physical existence. People tend only to judge from their level of understanding. If attachment is the norm for most people, then of course they will not comprehend detachment.

Once you have accepted life's paradoxes, you simply relax; you embrace what is and you move ahead with little fan fare (emotionalism). This does not mean that you will not feel. For example, you will, like most people, feel the loss of a loved one. But you will have a knowing that things are occurring exactly as they should. This knowing allows you to relax into the situation, to feel it deeply, to accept it. Emotionalism is denial of some personal or external truth [i.e., Your mate wants to leave you but you refuse to let them go; your child rejects your way of life (a life built on falsehoods and half truths) after you have spent time and money raising them the "right" way so you disown them]; or you are an alcoholic who does not want to face the truth so you batter and beat your loved ones because their non alcoholism is a constant reminder of your weakness. Denial expands emotionalism while acceptance short-circuits it.

To express one's self via emotionalism is to react from a state of unconsciousness. To feel life is to feel the presence of God. All was quiet before God started creating. This tells us that God's organic state is that of peace, of stillness. In order to increase God's presence in our lives we must become still within. Feeling is flowing; thus, it is stillness. Emotion is fighting; thus, it cannot be peace.



Love gives space for things to be....

Monday, December 12, 2011


Thought this was a cool little website about left-handed folks like myself.  I just took a snippet from http://www.lefthandersday.com/.  Enjoi!

Being Left-Handed

Brain organisation

No-one has come up with a definitive reason for WHY some people are left-handed, but about 13% of the population around the world are, and it is thought to be genetic - it definitely runs in families. Researchers have recently located a gene they believe "makes it possible to have a left-handed child " so if you have that gene, one or more of your children may be left-handed, whereas without it, you will only have right-handers - sorry! The good news is, that if you are left-handed yourself, you have that gene and will pass it on through the generations!
The way the brain works is incredibly complex, but this simplified explanation will give you some understanding of where our left-hand dominance comes from. The brain is "cross-wired" so that the left hemisphere controls the right handed side of the body and vice-versa and hand dominance is connected with brain dominance on the opposite side - which is why we say that only left-handers are in their right minds!
Brain organisation left hemisphere and right hemisphere
The left hemisphere (RIGHT HAND CONTROL) controls Speech, Language, Writing, Logic, Mathematics, Science, this is the LINEAR THINKING MODE.
The right hemisphere (LEFT HAND CONTROL) controls Music, Art, Creativity, Perception, Emotions, Genius, this is the HOLISTIC THINKING MODE

Effects of right brain dominance

This brain dominance makes left-handers more likely than right handers to be creative and visual thinkers. This is supported by higher percentages of left-handers than normal in certain jobs and professions - music and the arts, media in general. (See the results of our Lifestyle Survey of Left-Handers for our detailed findings) Left-handers are also generally better at 3-dimensional perception and thinking, leading, for example, to more left-handed architects than normal. Left-handers are also usually pretty good at most ball sports and things involving hand-to-eye co-ordination.
Image descriptionThe view that left-handers are clumsy and awkward is not down to their natural abilities, but being forced to use right-handed tools and machinery which is completely back-to-front for them.
To find out more, and for some hints and tips for getting the most out of a right-handed world, visit the FAQ section at Anything Left-Handed.
If you are interested in the latest research and findings on left-handedness, you can buy the excellent book Right-Hand, Left Hand by Chris McManus in the online shop.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


One of the most liberating things one can do for self
Is to realize, acknowledge, and accept
That one can not control another's actions or lack thereof
Liberation begins at this point
Live life for YOU
and not by trying to control others

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


The complexities of thought
Seek simplicity through evasion
     Ignore, the known
     Run from the deeper
     Vibrating low
     On below level planes

It is safe there
It smells like
Taste like
Before the race
Has begun
Clothes itself
In self-victimization

     The complexities of thought
     Seek simplicity through evasion

But when it is ready for lift off
The sun shines light on a path
For wisdom(e) and (o)verstanding

     To receive and reflect
     And rise thru chakras
     Seeking higher ground
     Not of this place
     But in this space

And it all becomes

Friday, December 2, 2011


No part of me, questions that I will be there
Thru thick and thin.....

I know this now.

Thursday, December 1, 2011


We are watering our garden and watching it grow.  The nutrients we are giving it are communication, understanding, trust, patience, and non-judgement.

The sun is smiling on our garden.....

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannont live within---James Baldwin

Friday, November 25, 2011

diving hearts

On the edge
Ready to dive
Heart first
Into love
Swim into chance
or better yet
On the edge
Ready to backstroke
in vulnerability
Free from fear
I am there and
The waters are warm
 and Mama Intuit
Says let Love
Show you how deep
She can be
Let her bathe and
Cleanse you in her aura
And shine brightly on you

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


Rain showers reign the earth
Cleansing its tarnished girth
And washing away the sinners
Sans Judgement
Troubled souls
For Love
Outside of self
For Peace
Thru War
For God
In lost religions
Justification unfounded
Sins compounded
For burdens to be lifted
Thru glass pipes
Empty gin bottles
Gettin' lifted
Sex, drugs, rock n roll
Rain showers reign the earth
Save our souls
Wash away our sins
Sans judgement
Baptise in the water
Wade in the Water
Wade in the Water, children
Wade in the Water
God's gonna trouble the water..........

Monday, November 21, 2011

Frosting-Langston Hughes

Is just frosting
On somebody else's
And so must be
Til we
Learn how to
Its really dangerous when you start comparing yourself to another person or persons.  Always focus on who you are, rather than who you are not. Draw strength and motivation from your positive and negative aspects and the desire to grow and become a better you.  Things may look good on the outside of another individual, but you never know what they truly have going on.  I've personally beat myself up about where I "should" be in life, but I'm glad I realized a long time ago just how self-destructive that thought process is.  So, I do me.  I enjoy me.  I love me.  Just as I am.

Friday, November 18, 2011

My intuition is speaking crystal clear to me.  Without hesitation or guess,  I know that this will be a very adult relationship.  The relationship may end up being one of friendship or something more intimate, but what I know for sure is that games will not be played.  There is a layer of understanding that supercedes all the other typical bs/drama that a relationship would entail..  This is refreshing.  The challenge will be to keep it this way and I intend to be conscious and accountable for my part as much a possible. 

Thursday, November 17, 2011


The digger I deep, the more imperfect I realize I am.
Everyday I am more humbled by the opportunity to become a better me
and still remain, well ---me.  Excited by the realization of how much I don't know and the chances to learn new things.  I've never felt, like I've had to compromise who
I am to look better in the eyes of beholders... I am thankful for that skill.
Yet still,  my own conscience,  personal motivations, yearnings for growth,  urge to me to continue
Seeking that higher high.  Continued knowledge of self.  Continue love of self.
And with every imperfect step,  I trust that the universe will allow me to lead by example
 showing that my imperfections, are my unique designs.  Not cookie cut. But rather cut from various cloths.....love.hate.anger.jealously.peace.happiness.genuineness.creativity.depth.complexities.experiences.vulnerability....and so on....one big gumbo of huemaness.
And everyday is an opportunity to improve, acknowledge, accept, iron out, wrinkle up that cloth.
Such is this thing called life and I gratefully embrace it.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

words of wisdom

From a friend on twitter.  "You like, what you like.....No need to force it."......   and I will add,  No need to fight against it.  Just acknowledge it and let it flow. I love how messages come to me, when I least expect it.  Thanks Friend!

finefor 3 5 and bey ooooooonnnnnd

I ran five miles yesterday and it felt really good.  It's amazing how the body responds to movement.  My body felt like a bottle of water that had been sitting stagnant and had been shaken up.  My blood renewed by this shake (exercise).  I haven't been consistent like usual, but I'm back on it.  Another one of those, once I start ain't no stopping type things.  Thirty five is approaching and I insist on being in my best shape yet.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


This moment's presence
Smiles and dances with me
Pots of Gold and
Illuminated tunnels
The rear view
Now obsolete
And obstructed
By cosmic interception
Perception of a time
When hands were tied
Willingly, but
Now I dance and smile back
Reflecting and receiving
What is now

Monday, November 7, 2011

i'm not buying it--- literally and figuratively

I helped my cousin with a catering event yesterday.   It was all about "being natural" and that whole lifestyle.  There were a lot of beautiful black people in the venue and that was encouraging and exciting to see.  However, I left there feeling like the word "natural" is nothing more than an overused marketing ploy and I'm not buying it---literally.  There were so many vendors selling natural products and doing natural hair and eyebrow consultations to detect your "eyebrow innerg" (lol and smh).  I must admit, although it was interesting I left feeling conflicted about the idea of "natural".  One cant knock the hustle.  The market is there, so why not take advantage of it right?  I mean, so many people are deciding to embrace who they were to begin with.  Themselves.  But I dont know if it's because my own personal definition of natural also parallells with minimalism when it comes to hair, skin, nails, diet etc.   But I just cant fall for the okey doke.  Seriously, what is the difference between peddling a natural hair product versus let's say creamy crack products?  What is the difference between a natural person's sink counter contents versus a person with a perm's sink counter contents if they are both loaded down with "product"  regardless if its natural or not?  Either way, consumerism is alive and well.  I mean sure the vendors were pushing the whole natural idea behind their product (moisturizers, creams, jellies, juices and berries) but in my opinion the same tactics are employed to lure women consumers in as with any other cosmetic.  The idea of making yourself "prettier" is still behind the scenes. The vanity still exists and consumers continue to search for products to enhance their beauty---naturally so.  I suppose one should feel less guilty and more empowered using a natural moisturizer to make that curl snap just right or the organic makeup is just better because well, it's organic.  I just question the authenticity of the whole natural hair/lifestyle phenomena.  Not to say that there aren't those out there, who know the deal.  But nowadays it seems like it just sounds and looks cool to be vegan/vegetarian and taunt a big fro or long, tightly twisted and dyed locs. Afterall, having this "appearance" gives one a certain rebelliousness, different-ness, and of course attention.  But the vibe I got from the event yesterday was that, it was not deeper than those surface titles/appearances.   I think growing up in a household where dreadlocs, aloe vera, olive oils, and regular ol' shampoo was all I knew and needed makes it difficult for me to accept this phenomena.  Perhaps, some would say i'm being closed minded. Don't get me wrong, I love the excitement people have when they discover a "new" thing.  But I just wonder how long will the fad lasts.  It truly is a lifestyle that is rich with history sans "product"  or titles.

Thursday, November 3, 2011


The heart yearns for
What it needs not
Intuitively knowing it
Cannot seek refuge
In its untimely desires
Nor can it gain restoration
From paths
Traveled between
Hues of Jade and Rose
Yet still, it yearns
Taking care not to become a
Gazing through those

Tuesday, November 1, 2011



So I read this Koan this am:
If somebody lies to you, what can you do?
I've been meditating on this all morning long, because there are not many things that disgust me.  But being lied to is one thing that I loathe and I typically remove myself emotionally from anyone who has lied to me. I feed them with long handled spoons.  Walls go up, and I never trust that person again. I've always viewed people that have lied to me as insulting my intelligence.  I'm realizing now that I was depending on trying to reason with huemaness-a losing battle I suppose.  I'm not saying lying is right, but I can see how one would sometimes choose a fib over truth in some situations. The fact of the matter is,  I can not control someone lying to me, but I can control how I choose to deal with the situation going forward.
So I started  thinking although I am a horrible liar, I can not act as if I've never lied before.  I've been thinking of reasons I may have lied in the past; not as justification but moreso to acknowledge my human flaws.  Times that come to mind were when I didn't want to be viewed as stupid, or I was afraid of being rejected in a certain situation, but never with the intention of insulting anyone else's intelligence.  There's really no difference in me lying and being lied to.  Intuitively, I think going forward I will be more cautious with how I deal emotionally with liars.  What I won't do, is automatically shut down emotionally, or be suspect of an individuals every statement, like I have before. Not to be naive to the fact that I'm being lied to, but to be more accepting of the fact that a lie is not always with the intention of hurting someone even though that may be the outcome.  Personally, I think I will stick with just telling the truth no matter how painful.  I find a certain freedom in saying what I honestly feel and not being restricted to a lie that I'll have to remember.  Its just too much work. So for those, that I may have lied to.  I'm sorry.  For those who have lied to me,  I forgive you. 

Monday, October 31, 2011


Brushes stroked blank canvases
to a soundtrack of creativity
open hearts and open minds
conversations over wine
and quality time
with the man that was mad
cold bodies, heated each otha
like two sticks creating fyah
the hugs and spoons
drifted into slumber
awakened by the light
of the sun
Only to
end the night's bliss.

Friday, October 28, 2011


Had a conversation the other night with a friend that said he had to be 50% physically attracted to a woman and 50% mentally attracted to her.  Some may view physical attraction as a bit shallow, but if we are honest with ourselves, we will acknowledge that huemans are visual creatures first.  So I can understand that both physical and mental attraction is necessary to play a part in sustainability of a relationship, if there is to be one.  So I started thinking about what my percentage "requirements" are, and I think I've decided at 40% physical attraction,  40% mental attraction, and 20% room for growth attraction.  40% physical attraction is a good starting point for me.  Meaning a guy is handsome enough for me to want him to be close to me for an extended period of time, you know the basics.  Eyes, smile, cleanliness, nice forearms(don't ask).  Things I find physically attractive.  This may sound surface, but it is a reality.  I want to be attracted to the person I'm with.  And attraction is  relative and a matter of personal opinion.  40% mental attraction is enough for me to stay intrigued,  be able to carry on conversations, and learn something from a guy. There is nothing like being able to look a handsome brotha in the face and what is coming out of his mouth is making sense, funny, and intriguing.  WIN.  That 20%, ironically, is what I find most appealing though.  The room or potential for us to grow and build.  In other words, the person needs to have an openness about them. Open mind. That 20%, although small numerically can exponentially make a great relationship for me.  I think this 20% would compliment the mental and physical attraction and harness an innergetic/spiritual gravitation towards each other because of that openness and potential. What's your percentages? Just some randomness.....

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Brinner success

And fabulous it was!  My planned candlelit brinner (breakfast for dinner) and more was a total and complete success.  I think the individual on the receiving end was more than pleasantly surprised and every appetite was satisfied. ***pats self on the back***.   It goes to show, when I really apply myself, epicness occurs.  This event was motivation to apply that same innerg to more situations in my life. Go hard or go home.  Go all in.  Ya get the idea.  Look out world..

Friday, October 21, 2011

here goes nada

I've come to realize and accept that I have a compulsive disorder with making list when I'm in the process of planning something.  I'm typically fairly organized, but when it comes to something that I consider to be a big deal to me and the persons involved, I tend to reach a whole notha' level of organization--- and lists, and checking and re-checking.  So much so, that I'm starting to get on my own damn nerves.   But, I love the whole process of coming up with an idea, building on the idea, creatively nipping and tucking the idea, and executing it. Here's to trusting the end result will be fabulous.   Stay tuned......

Friday, October 14, 2011


the fight
to win
its not
a sin
to stand
not fall
for all
you believe
your dreams
stay woke
don’t sleep
just peep
the game
that’s ran
don’t run

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


Had a great workout/yoga session with my cousins on this past Sunday.  I'm hoping  we can keep that inner g going each Sunday, so I can get better at teaching and we can continue to connect and create great ciphers.  I love my female cousins, they truly are the best positive female inner g a girl could have around.

Friday, September 30, 2011


I didn't want his inner g to leave
I wanted it to wrap me in its warmth
Comfort me in my discomfort
Make me smile without trying
I didn't want his inner g to leave
I felt
He didn't want my inner g to leave
He wanted it to cool his heat
Make him comfortably uncomfortable
By the scent of my skin
The feel of my touch
The gaze of my eyes
I made him smile without trying
Words unspoken
Heard clearly
Our inner g's parted ways
Still remaining connected
Until our eyes meet again

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

new journey

So I've spent the last few months and weeks preparing and training to become a certified yoga instructor.  I'm now officially certified!  Excitement and nervousness ensues.  I'm always bad at preliminaries, but once I get rolling, there's no stopping me.  I know once I actually start teaching, the nerves will dissipate. This journey has been long, it's been tedious,  it's shown me parts of me I didn't want to see, and it confirmed that I can do anything I want to if I put my mind to it.  Admittedly, there were many times I wanted to throw in the towel, but the universe commanded otherwise.  Consistency is key, and I will see where this path will lead.  I am ready to follow.


Thursday, September 8, 2011


He's back;  like the monkey on mine.
Let's see what corners we bend this time.

Friday, September 2, 2011

September 4, 2003

For 38 weeks, the sun shone at it's brightest
It's rays coveted my skin
And I responded with a warm glow
For 38 weeks, the skie's hue blended perfectly
With the ocean's blue
And the ocean?
Hmph, it's vastness serenaded me with songs
That made me put a lil' extra waddle
In my step, as I strolled along it's shores.
For 38 weeks, nightfall would bring
The stars, moon, and my ancestors
Through my window to
Tuck us in and tell stories of old
She would undulate,
As if playing call and response
For 38 weeks, I was the upstairs apartment
And she occupied the space below me
She would bang on our shared "wall"
With those broomstick feet as if to say
"Yall making too much dang noise
Up (out) there."
On the 39th week
On the 4th day
Of the 9th month
in the year 2003
after 8hrs of Labour
at 8:23p.m
I witnessed in her eyes a glimpse of heaven
I knew love then and
I felt Joi
Zahyon  (Heaven's) Joi
Made her entrance
My life has never been the same

Friday, August 26, 2011

I Knew

I loved him
When I felt that feeling
I felt
Preparing dinner and
Enjoyed watching him
Enjoy it
I experienced pleasure
In letting him have the pleasure
Tasting my hand.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

preggo talk

So one of my coworkers had her baby today and I am extremely happy and excited for her.  Motherhood is a journey for women who have been blessed enough to embark on the ups and down of pregnancy, labor and delivery, post partum, sleepless nights, and 18+ yrs of child rearing.  It truly is a beautiful experience.  Thinking of my coworker, made me really reminiscent of when I was preggo.  I really loved being pregnant and enjoyed every bit of the experience from the making of baby girl :), to the pregnancy, to the labor and delivery and  now to this day the joy of being a mother.  There is not one thing I would change about any of it. As a matter of fact, I would love to have another baby.
Well the rest of my coworkers were in disbelief when I mentioned the above to them.  "Oh hell naw, girl."   "I would never go through that again."  "My shop is closed".  You get the idea.  Even still, we continued our conversation about our birth experiences and it struck me how comfortable we all were talking in details as to the goings on of our pregnancies. It made me think, that pregnancy is such a common bond among only a special group of women who have been so blessed to experience it, good or bad.  Nobody knows what it is to have another life inside of you wiggling around and kicking,  or to have your boobies grow to Guinness book sizes, until you have actually had that feeling.  It is truly a unique experience and I guess that's why we are so comfortable talking about it amongst each other.  We can all relate.  Anyway, I'm wishing my coworker the best on her journey of motherhood and can not wait to have some preggo talk with her.  

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

did you miss me?

I've been contemplating lately on the disheartening fact that my daughter and her peers will never get to experience the true feeling of actually missing each other. With today's modern technologies and social networkings,  all one needs is the push of a button to find out if a friend is brushing their teeth or on vacation. While social networking does have it's benefits, such as catching up with family and friends in far places or even helping individuals find that "dream job", I also view it as an ever increasing gap for hueman interaction.  Whatever happened to a phone call, a handwritten letter, or just ole' plain in person conversation? Back in my younger days, my nickname was "phonica".  I enjoyed talking with my peers for long periods of time and   actually hearing a voice and laughter on the receiving end, and I was content with not knowing their every move. At then end of our conversation, I had time to ponder on our discussion without flipping on a computer to see what they were doing next. I had time to miss my friends.  Today, I have succumbed to facebook and twitter and although I may not always partake in the goings on, I would be fronting if I didnt say I wasnt intrigued. Even as I blog this, Im letting someone into my personal mind space if anyone chooses to read.  So I can imagine by the time, my daughter reaches the age where she can socially network. There will be innumerable ways to access information.  Nowadays, I think the best thing I can do is continue planting the seed in my daughter to appreciate people outside of a computer monitor or cell phone device. Teach her to not take people for granted,  demand her space, and respect other's space.  Most importantly, I will lead by example. Let me start by reaching out to some of my friends in person :).

Monday, August 22, 2011


In my mind's eye
I hover with butterflies
Yet my feet are firmly planted
The heavens
Massage my shoulders
Whilst warm sands
Dance with my toes
During these moments
I smile
Content with the
Inner and outer
Destined to be mine

Friday, August 19, 2011


 I have a lot of guy friends.  Granted.  However, I always make it clear that if you can not deal with the friend "box", then you gotsta push on.  If i'm interested in a guy, i'm not afraid to make it known.  So last night, I had to have THAT discussion with a guy friend, whom I actually have mad history with. He's cool, smart, talented, a lil' crazy(im convinced) but he's not for me in any other form other than a cool friend.  We rode to the Dead Prez concert together and he was trying to hug up on me in public.  Now i'm all for affection with the right person, but me and dude aint like that.  So I had to ask him to kindly remove his arms from around my shoulder, please dont touch my waist, and please stop standing so close to me.  As I type this, I realize it sounds pretty bitchy, maybe a little snobbish.  But his affectionate attempts made me really uncomfortable especially since I didnt give him the green light to be "that way."  Well I think he got a little offended when I told him that we would never be on "that" level. I'm just not interested in him like that.  Thankfully he eased off the "affection" and we enjoyed the rest of our night.
So today, I'm checking myself like what part did I play, if any, in him thinking that it was even cool to try going that route with me?  Being the natural flirt, that I am, I have not even flirted with him. Maybe because we rode together, he thought it was a date?  I dont know, I just saw it as him needing a ride to the same spot I was going to. lol.  Regardless, it made me really uncomfortable.  I realized although I always say and usually mean, I dont care what people think; it bothered what people might think.  I'm extremely single, and I didnt want it to seem otherwise. I had to let my friend know that there was no possible way we could ever be together and I was sorry if he had some secret hope stored away deep down. The funny thing is I did not even feel bad about breaking it down to him like I did because it was the honest truth and I'm sure he will appreciate my honesty in the long run.  Thankfully we are good enough friends, to get past whatever "that" was last night.

Friday, August 5, 2011


And just like that, my frustration is gone.  Simply, I choose to not give that innerg so much power.  Give thanks to the universe for providing me with clarity and overstanding in all my humanness. 


A little frustrated today, but I know the universe will bring me back to balance.  It sucks when folks see you are at peace and willingly and forcefully try to derail you from that peace.  I've been really cool with my daughter's father, but it seems as though he's really trying hard to make me SEEM like that " bitter baby momma".  When its really quite the opposite.  I have so many reasons, to which I will not name for sake of putting ALL my business out there, that I could really have him hanging by his clitoris (yes, clitoris).  But I'm not really one for drama. I've been hella cool with the cat, and he's taking it for granted.  I guess at this point, I'm just humbling myself to the universe so that I can maintain my cool and respond instead of react.  I'm trusting the universe will do me this one solid, cuz I'm struggling today.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


As much as my mother pisses me off sometimes, I love her to pieces. And I really like that she thinks I'm funny.  She always says in her trini accent,  "Gyal you could talk shit".  It makes me smile and feel honored to be the source of a genuine gut laugh for her.  I feel she, like no other, appreciates me and my sometimes quirky and sarcastic comments.  I never realized how much I enjoy her laughing at my jokes until right now.  The funny thing is most of the time, I'm not consciously trying to make her laugh, im usually just making an out loud observation.  She gets it though.  She gets me.  I am from her.  I love her.

Monday, August 1, 2011


Haven't blogged in a little bit, so I just thought I'd give a quick update.  It's crazy how things fall into place, when you stop questioning and let IT be sometimes.  I do much better when I trust my intuition and quit fretting.  Over the past couple months, I've really taken time to get to know me even better.  I've had a lot of time to think, and reflect and it's been all good.  I've been meeting with my trainer and that alone has shown me that I'm stronger than I think I am.  Both physically and mentally.  He kicked my butt, and I persevered and welcomed his challenges.  Now originally,  I just wanted to keep up with getting in shape, but now I realize I've been prepping myself for something even greater which is my yoga training.  I didn't correlate the two in the beginning.  But it came to me, when I was meditating one day.  Physically strengthening myself for this training is a necessity and is being accomplished right now.  I've learned so much about the body and it's reactions with my trainer and I know I will be able to incorporate this knowledge when its comes time to train for yoga.  So I'm grateful for my athletic training experience.  It was meant to happen, when it happened and will continue to happen.  And I feel great to boot!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

knowledge of self

Until we have true knowledge of self,  no relationship will be successful. Once those inner seeds are nourished and allowed to blossom,  only then will enlightenment and true happiness occur.  I'm nuturing my seeds.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


Its been so long that,
i've forgotten how
to be a significant other
to think of the other
it's been that long,
damn, will i remember?
when that time arrives
to be open
like a book
with chapters
to remind
me on how to
be a signifcant other
and still remain

Friday, July 15, 2011


Damn I' m missing Long Beach, California today.  I call that home, even though I was born and raised in Houston.  Long Beach afforded me the opportunity to open my mind to more culture and to become even more free spirited. In such a laid back environment, one has no choice but to go with the flow.  I have so many good memories from LB. I'm thinking it's time to pay home a visit.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

"Hang onto the world as it spins around, just don't let the spin get you down."

Donny Hathaway serenaded these lyrics to me this morning en route to work and it is still resonating with me as I blog this am.  I actually have been guilty of letting the spin get me down from time to time.  Well, I don't know if down is the right verbiage,  but I have definitely been reflective and thoughtful about where I am in life and where I would like to be.  Sometimes, the two do not SEEM to mesh well.  I've found myself withdrawn and in my own head, which at times can be the worst vacation spot ever.  Life has such an artistic way of throwing beautifully ugly curve balls, that can sometimes make you question the meaning of it all.  I am continuously heeding to not dodge the balls, but take the hit.  In the end, I always say, I may be scratched and dented, but i'm still spit shined polish.  So, after hearing Donny this morning, I started thinking surely I can't be the only hueman that goes through these emotional bouts that seem like one extremely long PMS experience.  Where nothing is clear in my mind, irrationality becomes my best friend, and negativity the monkey on my back. Days where the "bad" things seem to outweigh the good and the ability to be grateful is tested.  I've found that even though it is difficult to look through the foggy lens of "pity party", it is sometimes so necessary to help put things in perspective.  I always allow myself to feel whatever it is I'm feeling, so that I may process it, learn from it, re-learn from it, and move on. The important thing is to not dwell in the fog. By nature,  I am very a optimistic person who simply will not play the victim role, so when my spirit lands on the downside of the earth's axis, it can be frustrating. It happens to best of us though.  Yet once I process whatever it is I need to at the time, clarity always presents itself.  And for that I celebrate and welcome the world's spins.
Attempting to be in control of uncontrollable situations is often where stumbling blocks occur because in reality we control nothing on this plane, save for our thoughts. We can not control how others treat us, but we can control our thought process and response to said treatment.  We can not control life's tides, but we can control how we choose to ride the waves.  We can not control the world's spins(life), but we can choose to hold on steadfastly.  Often times, it is so easy to get caught up in the externals of life. The haves and the have nots, the unmet goals, life's demands, responsibilites, etc. In this particular time of clarity, it has been reinforced in me that quality trumps quantity time and time again and that control in certain aspects is not mine to have.  Though it may not seem like i've accomplished much,  I have accomplished alot.  Though it may not seem that i'm not where I want to be, I'm exactly where I need to be.  So I will continue hanging onto the world and pushing towards brighter days. They are waiting to embrace me.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Thought I'd share this by one of my fav. poets

Revolutions is One Form
Of Social Change

When the man is busy
making niggers
it doesn't matter
what shade
you are.

If he runs out of one
particular color
he can always switch
to size
and when he's finished
off the big ones
he'll just change
to sex
which is
after all
where it all began.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox Audre Lorde

Tuesday, July 12, 2011


so, my scholarship application got approved for my yoga certification course.  I cant wait to start this new journey. 

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

lazy lazy lazy

I did myself proud this weekend by being THE ultimate couch potato.  Since I've vowed to really slow up my pace and enjoy life a little more ,  I thought this weekend would be the perfect test.  It was fourth of July weekend and there were so many options to get into something.  Caribfest was this weekend, Essence festival, and numerous bbq's and house parties.  I did absolutely nothing, but watch movies, read books, and sleep at home.  I didn't even clean my house, and for those who know me that is a big deal.  I rested on my comfy couch which seemed to embrace me like a long lost lover.  I was completely selfish this weekend and I enjoyed every moment.  While, I don't intend to make laziness a habit, I can definitely say the rest was needed and I did not desire to be anywhere else.  Hope everyone else had a joyous, safe 4th.

Friday, July 1, 2011

I believe in the sweat of love and the fire of truth

En route to NY, I finished reading Assata Shakur's autobiography. It was an honor to gain more knowledge of this sistah, who in my opinion knows the true meaning of struggle and love. Love for her people.  Love for herself. Love manifested through social justice and equality.  She is one strong woman, and they for damn sure don't make em' like her anymore. Assata's articulation of the events that led up to her escape from the U.S. is a true testimony that she was extremely passionate about the injustices in this country and how it affected her as well as black people as a whole.   The way that the media portrayed her was a force to be reckoned with.  All the untruths, painting a picture of her as a violent, dangerous villain is almost laughable.  But ironically it brought tears to my eyes, simply because at that time the media was able to get away with it so easily. As far as media today, I would say not much has changed.  I found myself throughout various parts in the book asking out loud "is that even legal?" But quickly answered myself with "it didn't even matter."  The FBI's COINTELPRO viewed Assata as prey, and they were bound to stifle, imprison, and quiet her unapologetic black voice whether it was legal or not. The living conditions that Assata endured while in prison were unfit even for the filthiest of swine.  She was placed in Rikers Island men's prison basement for example.  She was violently beaten numerous times and placed in isolation.  Assata was forced to lived in these same conditions even when she was pregnant. She was not allowed proper medical treatment until her aunt (also her lawyer) forcefully disputed the inhumane conditions Assata was in and human rights groups starting putting pressure on the government.  Even still, the courts required that their doctor be present when Assata's chosen doctor examined her. It was the U.S. intention to break her.  But to no avail.  Mistrial after mistrial.  Prison after prison.  Injustice after Injustice.  Assata endured. Throughout the book Assata recalls experiences that shaped her life stemming from her early recollections of racism right up to the moment on the New Jersey turnpike.  I think the thing that most gained my respect for Assata was the fact that she was a free thinker and a leader in her own right. She did not just co-sign with the Black leaders of that time because it sounded cool to be a part of or because all of her friends were joining.  She read.  She questioned. She firmly stated her opinions.  It was interesting to find that although she strongly supported the Black Liberation Movement and was a member of the Black Panthers, that she as a black women within the party,  challenged some of the parties theories and made many attempts at changing some of the ways the Black Panther party portrayed itself.  In other words, she was more about action than angry, violent rhetoric. I could go on and on, about how much I enjoyed this book, from her beautiful poetry to her personal experiences with love, hate, anger, and joy.  She used all of her senses to be in tune with the social injustices of that time and as I look at the cover of her book,  I see the fire in her eyes.  She was real.  She believed wholeheartedly in the struggle for truth, equality, and social justice for our people and was willing to sacrifice herself to obtain and secure it. The beautiful struggle continues.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from her:   "I believe in the sweat of love and the fire of truth."

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

We live in Brooklyn Baybay....

So I had a blast on my trip to NY.  This was the first vacation I've had since 2003, and it was also my and Zahyon's first official vacation together.  I know she had a blast. She, as well as myself, got to meet family that we had never seen before, yet we interacted as though we'd known each other all of our lives.   I'm looking forward to planning our next trip together.  My baby girl is GOOD company.  There is so much culture in Brooklyn alone, that I was truly intrigued and excited by the daily ventures of us walking down the block and hearing reggae music blasting on the corner.  I loved the fact that I "blended in".  My locs, and head wraps did not attract the strange looks that I'm used to in South. The multitude of accents, had me guessing if I could decipher what country the individual was from. I mean to be able to walk half a block and buy a roti or doubles without having to call in an order was foreign to me.  Never would I experience that in dip chewing, cow herding, boots wearing Tejas.  There is access to any and everything you might imagine needing.  In some ways that is good, other ways not so much.  Even though, I am not a fan of shopping,  being in NY made me WANT to shop.  I mean, there was SO much cute clothes, shoes, handbags. FOR CHEAP! I wanted to buy, buy, buy and buy some more.  I was truly THE tourist, and THE consumer.  I'll chop up my return home broke as a realllll good time shopping in NY .  Aside from the culture,  the other thing that really stood out to me was how fast paced the place is.  Everybody from grannys to babies is in a rush.  And  you better keep up with the pace, or get knocked down.  Even the style of dress and the manner in which NY residents speak, seems on edge.  Some might call it edgy, but I experienced a few conversations in which by the end, I wasn't exactly sure, if I had just been had. I gave it the moniker, "Hustle Talk". Anyway, considering, we did so much fast paced walking,  I am convinced I lost a few pounds, inches, and gained some tone to my calves to boot.  Trust, I'm not complaining about that.  But this fast paced  edgy traffic,  speech, fashion sense and the hurry up to wait type lifestyle I noticed in NY, made me take a look in the mirror and check myself.  Upon my return home,  I really had to take notice that I too am  in a rush most times.  Being a single mom, does not truly afford for a slow pace in everything I do,  but I feel like if there was anything I could take away for the hurriedness of NY, was that I need to chill and slow up my pace a bit.  Enjoy my life moments a little more, as opposed to hurrying up to get to the next task.  I guess that is why I am so inclined to become a yoga instructor,  because I see it as a way for me to have to slow down.  I will be accountable in a sense, to practice what I preach.   
     On another note, I think the highlight of my trip was going to Prospect Park with my cousin.  Every Sunday in the summers various drummers and musicians from all parts of the city join and play their instruments.  The thing that tripped me out, is that some of these musicians don't know even each other,  and the music played is not planned.  But the inner-g was so united.  Imagine a million plus different heartbeats all coming in unison and beating as one.  BEAUTIFUL.  People danced in the drum circle and whether their movements and bodily contorts were drug induced or not, it is clear that these folks were taken to a different  dimension by the music that caressed the winds in the park.  I, too, felt connected to strangers and I felt the MOST human I've ever felt in my life.  Ironically, Prospect Park was a stark contrast to the rush of everything occurring outside of the park.  The drummers, the dancers, and other attendees were not in a rush to go, do, say anything.  They simply were. And I was.  I already knew that music was universal, but I also came to the conclusion that the very nature and desire for huemankind to just BE is universal as well.  The ability to submit all will, stress, and anxiety to a higher power and let go of control by slowing down and accepting what is, has become a challenge to most simply because of life's daily demands. I'm starting with myself though, because I yearn to experience that feeling that I had at Prospect Park in my daily life.  During those moments at the park, everybody had mastered the art of just being.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


Tears came yesterday
From a deep, dry well
In my soul
That needed irrigation
And release from my restraint
And control
A smile came today
And it filled
That newly irrigated space
With love, hope
Faith, and restoration

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Today Until Tomorrow

I wish I had a boyfriend
A significant other
Wish I was someones better half
Even though I'm whole.
Today I feel like
Holding hands
Kissing long, slow, and lingering
Butterfly kisses even
Just reveling in each other's inner g
Today I feel like
Sharing time and space in the park
Playing thumb war and wrestling
While the sun, smiles on our union
Today I feel like
Being fed fruit and
Laughing at each others corny jokes
Sharing beyond surface conversations
Today I feel like
Cooking for my man
Watching him savor every bite
And later letting him savor me
In appreciation
Today I feel like
Letting the night greet us
Under the moon and stars
Til tomorrow arrives
But when tomorrow arrives
I might not feel like today

Friday, June 10, 2011

It always surprises me, but by now it really shouldn't

So I went on a little twitter rant this am, about what I would rather be doing instead of being sedimentary at the workplace.  Then I get my horoscope email shortly after. The universe always sends me messages when I put out into the universe what I'm passionately feeling/questioning at the moment. I am always surprised when this happens, but truthfully I should not be.  It is always a firm reminder that I  am strongly connected to something greater than anything this world has to offer.  Give thanks

Setting Expectations FreeSagittarius Daily Horoscope
You may feel stuck in a life that seems to be firmly fixed in one place today. Whether your disillusionment is related to a seldom changing schedule, a routine that no longer adequately serves your needs, or unfulfilled expectations, you can stave off discouragement by making a few simple changes. This can be the perfect time to examine your agenda to ascertain the efficiency of your approach to your duties. Likewise, you should use a portion of your free time to take a long look at your expectations as they apply to your domestic and business affairs. You may discover today that by adjusting your expectations or even doing away with them entirely, you can gain a new, more positive outlook on life.

Our expectations can be a curse as well as a boon—while they do give us something to strive for, they can also serve as the foundation for disappointments that may disillusion us. When we release our expectations after using them to create a framework of objectives, we open our minds to a wide variety of possibilities we never anticipated. We can find joy in unexpected areas of life, appreciating the successes that do not necessarily correspond to our initial dreams. As a result, we are encouraged by our own flexible perception of what accomplishment truly is and can branch our efforts in myriad directions without feeling we are being disloyal to our original purpose. You will come unstuck today when you learn to take a broader view of what achievement means to you.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

My New Progressive Hero

I love happening upon anything musically, poetically, or artistically that I find intriguing and invokes thought within me.  Often times, I find some sort of inspiration from it, whether it be just to journal , take pictures,  or even just a change of opinion or thought I may have previously had on any given subject matter.  But there are those special artists that the universe, blesses us with from time that I wish I would have gotten to meet in person or that I existed in the time that they did, just to experience the sentiment of their audiences and the raw inner-g that said artists evoked.  The commonality and fortunately for me and others who appreciate true talent is that these artists and their music, poetry, art or what ever vehicle they choose to manifest their message through are timeless. 
     Gil Scott Heron is one such artist.  I'm almost ashamed to admit, that I only happened upon Gil Scott Heron, maybe four to five years ago.  But I became familiar with his work and became a fan immediately. In his transition,  (rip)  I've been researching him further and have come to find that regardless of his personal struggles, he stayed true to his message and his passion.  One can only respect that.  I'm finding that in his ugly struggle with addiction, there was a transparent beauty and truth still in his work. "Home is Where the Hatred Is" is a testament to his willingness to reveal his harsh reality. The intriguing thing about that song for me, is that lyrically, I took it is a plea for help.  As a listener, that plea invoked compassion within me and I think that in and of itself is the beauty in Gil Scott's music and poetry.  It incites very human feelings of desire to help even though you may not be personally connected.   In the world we live in now, we need more of this. That is to say, more compassion and desire is needed to uplift our communities.  Even his more political songs served as a platform for us to awaken to the social ills at the time that we were in fact connected to.
     Recently, I've read about ten different interviews he did throughout the years, and came to find he is quite the comedian as well.  Gil Scott found irony in life's battles, and learned to laugh and even celebrate them.  A lesson, I think at some point we can all use to get through our personal road blocks.  He came across in his interviews as a humble spirit, who simply recognized his talent and was unapologetic for who he was.  Now in his transition, I wonder what his obituary reads. I can only imagine good things.  
    I believe Gil Scott Heron had very profound, straightforward messages that more of our people need to be awakened to as they are still very relevant in our current times .  He was not the best singer, but his music and message still resonated. In my book, that is a true artist.  I  have not yet listened to his latest album, but I'm glad that I am now even more familiar with his work and view  him as another hero on my list of "progressives".  As a side note, I found out he was a vegetarian at one point, so he definitely wins some cool points there :).  May he rest in peace.

Been Stuck on Donny Hathaway for a minute

Donny was such a creative blessing to the universe.  He left us too soon (age 34) but during the time he existed on this plane he shared his talents and blessed the world with pure, unadulterated love.  He gave of himself in each of his songs, as you could hear the hurt he may have been feeling at that given moment.  Well anyway, just thought I'd share the song that is resonating with me at this moment in my life mainly because I've felt this type of love before and right now I yearn to feel it again. 

If I ever leave you baby....you can say I told you so
And if I ever hurt you ..... you know I hurt myself as well

Is that any way for a man to carry on
Do you think I want my loved one gone
Said I love you
More than you'll ever know
More than you'll ever know

When I wasn't making much money
You know where my paycheck went
You know I brought it home to you baby
And I never spent a red cent

Is that any way for a man to carry on
Do you think I want my loved one gone
Said I love you
More than you'll ever know
More than you'll ever know

Now listen to this
I'm not trying to be
Just any kind of man
No I ain't
I'm just trying to be somebody
You can love, trust and understand
I know, I know, I know that I can be
A part of you that no one else could see
But I gotta hear you say
I got to hear you say
It's alright
I'm only flesh and blood
But I can be anything that you demand
I can be King of everything
Or just a tiny grain of sand
Now tell me

Is that anyway for a man to carry on
Do you think that I want my loved one gone
I love you
More than you'll ever know
I said I love you
I love you
I love you
Don't want nobody else but you.....


Friday, June 3, 2011

Good Posture Meditation

As a youth, my mother would always stay on me about my posture.  She would come behind me and straighten my shoulders up, saying that young ladies should walk with their backs straight.  Being the tomboy that I was,  I never paid her any attention.  Besides,  it felt wayyy better to slouch.  It was just comfortable and unfortunately became a really bad habit over the years.  Not to mention, working at a desk eight hours a day, only increased my slouching.  But as a mother myself now,  I find that I too, often come behind my daughter and tell her to keep her posture straight.  The only difference, is that I  give her a little better explanation as to why she should be conscious in her posture.  In my more mature years now, I've come to realize that good posture is important for more than how a "young lady should walk". I try to convey these benefits to my daughter when she ask WHY must she stand, walk, sit, straight.  Here are a few benefits that I've found through my research thanks to Celestine Chua:
  1. Facilitates breathing: A good posture naturally enables you to breathe properly.
  2. Increases concentration and thinking ability: When you are breathing properly, you increase your thinking ability too. More air, more oxygen. More oxygen, more brain food. More brain food leads to more thoughts and ideas.
  3. Improve your image: People with good postures look smarter and more attractive. Someone with a good posture naturally exudes an aura of assertiveness and appeal.
  4. Feel even better about yourself: When you have a good posture, it helps to make you feel more self-confident, without even doing anything else different. Try sitting in a bad posture now for 30 seconds. Now, switch to a good posture for 30 seconds as well. Is there any difference in how you felt?
  5. Avoid health complications: A bad posture results in several complications over time, such as increased risks of slipped disc, back aches, back pain, pressure inside your chest, poor blood circulation.
Some helpful ways to improve your posture are:

Get a good chair at the workplace
Eliminate bad habits that cultivate bad postures (i.e. no exercise, sleeping on your stomach)
Treat yourself to a massage (head, shoulder, and back)
Invest in a good bed and pillow
Ground your feet when sitting or standing

Those are only a few suggestions, but the long term benefits will be great!  I always thought my father was just a proud man because he walked with his head held high and his shoulders and back straight.  While, this may be true, he is also fully aware of the benefits from having such a stature.  So I plan to follow suit and try to stay conscious in my posture. I will admit, it is a little uncomfortable at first, but hopefully sooner than later it will become natural habit.   I hope this little tid bit of info was helpful to you and that you will also take heed.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Mommy Vaca-continued

Ummm.  things I would like to do while child free:

Go hiking
Make sure I work out everyday
Take a couple road trips
Have a summer fling/romance
Do African dance and Capoeira(again)
Become yoga certified
Go out more during the week (idk why)
Take sewing classes
Refresh my photography skills
Def have to make myself go clothes shopping
Decorate my room and the guest room
Write more
Catch up on some movies
Experiment on some new vegan recipes
is the magic numba.....

ps: knowing me, this list will continue to grow.

Mommy Vacation

So I have not had my daughter all this week, and I have to admit I'm kinda liking it.  It's like I'm on a vacation from single mommy hood. I feel a little guilty, but it is nice to not have to worry about another person, or wake up extra early to get her off to school and the like.  Dang, is this wrong?  I mean I'm really enjoying our time apart.  I only have to be concerned about me at the present moment, and the more I enjoy it, the more I feel like a bad mom..  I know, I'm not a bad mother, but I'm curious to know if other single moms have similar feelings, when/if they get a "break."  I'm taking it as a time to rejuvenate myself.  But I'm also not in any hurry to get her back.  On the flip side, she is probably also appreciating the break away from me.  So, in that sense I don't feel too bad. 

Friday, May 27, 2011

giving thanks

I'm so thankful that my baby girl successfully completed the first grade.  Yesterday, was her last day.  We had some hard mornings, days, and evenings but most importantly, we survived.  Now I can't believe that she will be entering gifted and talented 2nd grade.  I'm thankful that I was successful with my school endeavors and can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Both she and I excelled this school year even with our trials and I'm extremely humbled and thankful.  Now I'm looking forward to a happy, fun summer to rejuvenate and get ready for the next school year.

Give thanks

Thursday, May 26, 2011

salutations earthlings!

Read this in one of my meditation books today and thought I'd share:

Four steps to expanding your understanding of spiritual truths:

1.) Study-read or listen to spiritual teachings about the truth.

2.) Reflect-contemplate the deeper meaning of the words.

3.) Apply-use the teachings in life.

4.) Integrate-become one with knowledge.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

um wow

I don't necessarily believe in these dream dictionary type thingy's, but I cannot get this dream out of my head.  So I just googled it out of curiosity; I'm a little floored, I cant even lie. Because it is in perfect alignment with my theory from my previous blog.  See below:


dream cantaloupeWhether they were growing in the field, on the vine, or harvested, these delightful melons signify love, peace, and prosperity; however, if you dreamed of eating cantaloupe, it signifies a minor physical upset.


cantaloupe dreams

So I had the craziest dream last night.  I never liked the fruit cantaloupe when I was younger.  My gran (RIP), however, absolutely loved cantaloupe.  I mean she would tear a bowl of the fruit up in a heartbeat.  So as I got older, and she became more dependent, I would feed her cantaloupe.  One day, I decided to take another shot at eating some, and I nibbled a few pieces off of her fork.  I immediately fell in love with cantaloupe.  I sat and enjoyed a bowl with my gran. We sat silently and contentedly eating our fruit.  She and I communicated without communicating our love for each other. That memory didn't come back until this am, when I was remembering my crazy dream from last night. 

I was in a backyard,  I think it was my moms backyard.  There were bountiful amounts of cantaloupe hanging from the porch and trees everywhere filled with big juicy cantaloupes.  My aunt Lucille (on my dads side) was on a ladder, picking some of the fruit from the trees.  I was looking up at her and talking.  Aunty Lucille gave me some seeds to plant my own cantaloupe.  I began planting them right there in my moms backyard.  Not even five minutes later, the cantaloupe started growing right in front of my eyes.  I mean they were huge, and the more I removed, the more kept coming.  That was the end of my dream.

I'm taking this as a message from my gran(RIP).Bountiful fruits (monetary, spiritually, physically,relationship) are on their way. I just have to plant the seeds. Change is coming and I need not worry myself. Prosperity is in the works, not only for me, but my family and I will be the root. I'm listening gran.  Thank you in advance.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


Today, I am holding a vibratory meditation.  In every action, I will be rhythmic.   In every word spoken,  I will be resounding.  In every breath taken,  I will fill my lungs with thanks and praise.  Vibratory meditation.

In this day, I claim greatness.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Giving myself grief

I felt real shitty yesterday.  My daughter's 1st grade graduation was yesterday and I could not make it.  I had to work.  I wish someone, if not me, was there to support her.  When I picked her up from school, the first thing she said was "Mommie, I'm mad at you."  Then she proceeded to list all of her classmates parents, who were in attendance.  I felt like crap.  It was just circumstances that I can't control.  I am a single mother. Her dad is not here.  So I apologized a million and one times to her, and tried to explain why mommie could not make it in hopes that she would have some sort of understanding.  Idk, I just needed to get this out, so that I could stop replaying that conversation in my head.  I know if I could have made it, I would.  Note to self, I'm catching a cold for the next big event in her school.  I cant deal with that feeling again.   Now back to thinking light.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Respect my Hueman

Yo, I bleed blood too
Please remove me from your pedestal
And quit telling me, I'm acting brand new
When I get angry
Cuz you used to seeing me smile
Can't a good girl, be a bitch once in a while?
Yes, I choose happiness
Yes, I choose drama free
But still,  please allow me to be me
I didn't ask for expectations
I have none of you
Please let this Hueman
Have her moment too
Before long, I'll return to happy
But in the meantime
Respect my space
We each need our time and place
When the sun aint always shining
Sometimes the rain must fall
To fertilize
Our seeds planted
But know there's growth from it all
So will you remove me from your pedestal?
And know that I, too must err
Yo, I bleed blood too
My perfect, imperfections
I willingly share

Signed Angry Black Woman-Hero

Fuck Amerikkka
Home to the heroes and house negroes
Bred on a land saturated with
Our Mother's aborted births
Our Father's diluted manhood
Fuck Amerikkka
What have you done for me lately?
No, I'm not Ms. Jackson
But this CUNTry got my brothas
Singing sorry Ms. Jackson
Like a remixed negro spiritual
Fuck Amerikkka
Home to the heroes and house negroes
Some choose to rebel
Some choose to conform
House Negro
Shall we overcome
By any means necessary?
El Hajj and King
Would agree
Why can't we


I was so excited/passionate about starting this blog.  But I have not posted as much as I thought I would.  So many thoughts zoom in and out of my mind like asteroids in the solar system, its hard to push pause and actually articulate.  My commitment though, is to try harder, but not force it.  When you force a thing, it breaks.  I just gotta let it flow like water. As fine ass Bruce Lee (rip) says,  "be water my friend".  So lately I been thinking about ME.  My likes, dislikes, ism's, and skism's.  We all have them.  Thought I'd share a few of mine.  Like to hear it? Hear it go?

I am bass ackwards. 
  and i like it.

I've always considered myself to be an old soul (thanks Gran)

During my younger school days, i was always the one to run away from the fights,  stay the hell out of mess, and be friends with the "underdog"

In high school,  I thought I was Left Eye from TLC for a lil bit.

I used to eat the hell out of ice and be standing in front the oven while eating it.

Terrible liars raise your hand
***both hands raised***   so i just dont lie

I consider my middle name to be "plain jane"

I always wished I could sing

I'm a flirt

I love the thrill of "the chase"
I have way too many journals with unfinished thoughts/phrases/poems.

I love to write, but get in the way of my own thoughts more often than not

Never considered myself a writer, poet, or hella deep.  AND my confidence level to put my writings "out there" is pretty low especially when I know so many of my artists/poet friends are REALLY good.

I'm more comfy talking to my dad about VARIOUS subjects than my mom.

Hate the fact, that its really difficult to make women friends. 

Will never trust a man or woman who can not look me in the eyes

Grew up with mostly mexicans

Often wonder how my life would have been different if I grew up in Cali or Third Ward

I have absolutely NO sense of direction

I think a man's forearm is the sexiest part of his body...then his walk.  I check those two things first

I am not super experienced in the realm of relationships

I used to eat Mac and Cheese for breakfast every morning

I worked at Target and used to steal during hard times (The creator knew my heart)--- unapologetic for my theft

I was never a latchkey kid mainly because we never had any need to lock our door at home.  Nor did we have keys to the damn doors....
**shits changed since then***

I was in the drill team in HS....the token black girl.

I would charge all the white girls five dollars each,  when they wanted their hair braided for the friday football games.

I was always the last one to get picked up from practice because we did not own a car.

After being in a 8 yr relationship( my first, my daughter's father, and I never cheated on him), I couldnt imagine rushing into another

But now 6 years later,  I THINK I'm ready.  That might change if  it rains.

I am often ALL over the place,  there is so much I want to learn.

But sometimes, taking in so much info,  I forget what i've learned.... (defeats the purposed)

Lately, been really getting into auras, dreams, meditation and the like.  ---finding it as my comfort zones.

Never used to really remember my dreams,  but now they are becoming more clear and memorable and boy are they weeeeiiiirrddd.

I can appreciate a good hard slap on the ass

Or a morning "alarm clock"

So not opposed to trying new things sexually.  Mainly out of curiousity after being with one person for 8yrs, one can only imagine.

I LOVE my family.

Was afraid of death for a long time, until I was forced to embrace and celebrate it.

I'm a good girl, but i've had my heart broken and my ego crushed.

I'm good at bouncing back though. 

Being a single mom is so challenging.  With a girl child, I often times find myself wanting to slap the shit out of her, choke the shit out her, and body slam her. But then she looks at me with those eyes.

And she is my proudest accomplishment to date.

I get super impatient with myself, when I find my life is not moving in the direction I want it to quick enough.

Never really like clothes shopping.  I am a purse, shoes, and lip chap junkie tho.

Been having really scary dreams lately of my house being broken into while me and my daughter are sleeping.

Still reallly wanna learn how to sew,  be a yoga instructor,  massage thereapists,  own a vegan cafe,  and finish my damn degree.

I'm a picky eater.  Textures and certain smells, just dont do it for me.

Sometimes i'm a laugh away from crying.

Sometimes I need a good kick in the ass, to get motivated

I'm terrible at preliminaries, but I once I get started there's no stopping

damn, are you bored yet?  I am .... unitl next time...... peace.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust......

Death, was always something that I feared for lack of understanding. I celeberate it now as a natural piece in this pie of life.  And thus.....

The Obituary

I observe them from time to time
As if reading a book
But creating my own storyline
Each face stares intently
Each face a parable
A lie
Did they live a life full of them?
A truth
Did they seek their own?
An unknown
Perhaps a lost, troubled soul?
A gracious smile
As if the fear of death, never entered their heart
A firm grimace
As if sick of life, and ready to depart
A morbid frown
As if to say, "death I'm going down with a fight"
I'm not ready to take flight
Some faceless
Retired from sight
Reserved only in memory
The Obituary
The verbiage
Last words in the gazette
One or two sentences
"Graveside services with military honor"
Was this death more honorable than the next?
The Obituary
Gone, but not forgotten
Each face, has its season
Past, present, future
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
Fly free these souls
And settle where they must