Wednesday, June 29, 2011

We live in Brooklyn Baybay....

So I had a blast on my trip to NY.  This was the first vacation I've had since 2003, and it was also my and Zahyon's first official vacation together.  I know she had a blast. She, as well as myself, got to meet family that we had never seen before, yet we interacted as though we'd known each other all of our lives.   I'm looking forward to planning our next trip together.  My baby girl is GOOD company.  There is so much culture in Brooklyn alone, that I was truly intrigued and excited by the daily ventures of us walking down the block and hearing reggae music blasting on the corner.  I loved the fact that I "blended in".  My locs, and head wraps did not attract the strange looks that I'm used to in South. The multitude of accents, had me guessing if I could decipher what country the individual was from. I mean to be able to walk half a block and buy a roti or doubles without having to call in an order was foreign to me.  Never would I experience that in dip chewing, cow herding, boots wearing Tejas.  There is access to any and everything you might imagine needing.  In some ways that is good, other ways not so much.  Even though, I am not a fan of shopping,  being in NY made me WANT to shop.  I mean, there was SO much cute clothes, shoes, handbags. FOR CHEAP! I wanted to buy, buy, buy and buy some more.  I was truly THE tourist, and THE consumer.  I'll chop up my return home broke as a realllll good time shopping in NY .  Aside from the culture,  the other thing that really stood out to me was how fast paced the place is.  Everybody from grannys to babies is in a rush.  And  you better keep up with the pace, or get knocked down.  Even the style of dress and the manner in which NY residents speak, seems on edge.  Some might call it edgy, but I experienced a few conversations in which by the end, I wasn't exactly sure, if I had just been had. I gave it the moniker, "Hustle Talk". Anyway, considering, we did so much fast paced walking,  I am convinced I lost a few pounds, inches, and gained some tone to my calves to boot.  Trust, I'm not complaining about that.  But this fast paced  edgy traffic,  speech, fashion sense and the hurry up to wait type lifestyle I noticed in NY, made me take a look in the mirror and check myself.  Upon my return home,  I really had to take notice that I too am  in a rush most times.  Being a single mom, does not truly afford for a slow pace in everything I do,  but I feel like if there was anything I could take away for the hurriedness of NY, was that I need to chill and slow up my pace a bit.  Enjoy my life moments a little more, as opposed to hurrying up to get to the next task.  I guess that is why I am so inclined to become a yoga instructor,  because I see it as a way for me to have to slow down.  I will be accountable in a sense, to practice what I preach.   
     On another note, I think the highlight of my trip was going to Prospect Park with my cousin.  Every Sunday in the summers various drummers and musicians from all parts of the city join and play their instruments.  The thing that tripped me out, is that some of these musicians don't know even each other,  and the music played is not planned.  But the inner-g was so united.  Imagine a million plus different heartbeats all coming in unison and beating as one.  BEAUTIFUL.  People danced in the drum circle and whether their movements and bodily contorts were drug induced or not, it is clear that these folks were taken to a different  dimension by the music that caressed the winds in the park.  I, too, felt connected to strangers and I felt the MOST human I've ever felt in my life.  Ironically, Prospect Park was a stark contrast to the rush of everything occurring outside of the park.  The drummers, the dancers, and other attendees were not in a rush to go, do, say anything.  They simply were. And I was.  I already knew that music was universal, but I also came to the conclusion that the very nature and desire for huemankind to just BE is universal as well.  The ability to submit all will, stress, and anxiety to a higher power and let go of control by slowing down and accepting what is, has become a challenge to most simply because of life's daily demands. I'm starting with myself though, because I yearn to experience that feeling that I had at Prospect Park in my daily life.  During those moments at the park, everybody had mastered the art of just being.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


Tears came yesterday
From a deep, dry well
In my soul
That needed irrigation
And release from my restraint
And control
A smile came today
And it filled
That newly irrigated space
With love, hope
Faith, and restoration

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Today Until Tomorrow

I wish I had a boyfriend
A significant other
Wish I was someones better half
Even though I'm whole.
Today I feel like
Holding hands
Kissing long, slow, and lingering
Butterfly kisses even
Just reveling in each other's inner g
Today I feel like
Sharing time and space in the park
Playing thumb war and wrestling
While the sun, smiles on our union
Today I feel like
Being fed fruit and
Laughing at each others corny jokes
Sharing beyond surface conversations
Today I feel like
Cooking for my man
Watching him savor every bite
And later letting him savor me
In appreciation
Today I feel like
Letting the night greet us
Under the moon and stars
Til tomorrow arrives
But when tomorrow arrives
I might not feel like today

Friday, June 10, 2011

It always surprises me, but by now it really shouldn't

So I went on a little twitter rant this am, about what I would rather be doing instead of being sedimentary at the workplace.  Then I get my horoscope email shortly after. The universe always sends me messages when I put out into the universe what I'm passionately feeling/questioning at the moment. I am always surprised when this happens, but truthfully I should not be.  It is always a firm reminder that I  am strongly connected to something greater than anything this world has to offer.  Give thanks

Setting Expectations FreeSagittarius Daily Horoscope
You may feel stuck in a life that seems to be firmly fixed in one place today. Whether your disillusionment is related to a seldom changing schedule, a routine that no longer adequately serves your needs, or unfulfilled expectations, you can stave off discouragement by making a few simple changes. This can be the perfect time to examine your agenda to ascertain the efficiency of your approach to your duties. Likewise, you should use a portion of your free time to take a long look at your expectations as they apply to your domestic and business affairs. You may discover today that by adjusting your expectations or even doing away with them entirely, you can gain a new, more positive outlook on life.

Our expectations can be a curse as well as a boon—while they do give us something to strive for, they can also serve as the foundation for disappointments that may disillusion us. When we release our expectations after using them to create a framework of objectives, we open our minds to a wide variety of possibilities we never anticipated. We can find joy in unexpected areas of life, appreciating the successes that do not necessarily correspond to our initial dreams. As a result, we are encouraged by our own flexible perception of what accomplishment truly is and can branch our efforts in myriad directions without feeling we are being disloyal to our original purpose. You will come unstuck today when you learn to take a broader view of what achievement means to you.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

My New Progressive Hero

I love happening upon anything musically, poetically, or artistically that I find intriguing and invokes thought within me.  Often times, I find some sort of inspiration from it, whether it be just to journal , take pictures,  or even just a change of opinion or thought I may have previously had on any given subject matter.  But there are those special artists that the universe, blesses us with from time that I wish I would have gotten to meet in person or that I existed in the time that they did, just to experience the sentiment of their audiences and the raw inner-g that said artists evoked.  The commonality and fortunately for me and others who appreciate true talent is that these artists and their music, poetry, art or what ever vehicle they choose to manifest their message through are timeless. 
     Gil Scott Heron is one such artist.  I'm almost ashamed to admit, that I only happened upon Gil Scott Heron, maybe four to five years ago.  But I became familiar with his work and became a fan immediately. In his transition,  (rip)  I've been researching him further and have come to find that regardless of his personal struggles, he stayed true to his message and his passion.  One can only respect that.  I'm finding that in his ugly struggle with addiction, there was a transparent beauty and truth still in his work. "Home is Where the Hatred Is" is a testament to his willingness to reveal his harsh reality. The intriguing thing about that song for me, is that lyrically, I took it is a plea for help.  As a listener, that plea invoked compassion within me and I think that in and of itself is the beauty in Gil Scott's music and poetry.  It incites very human feelings of desire to help even though you may not be personally connected.   In the world we live in now, we need more of this. That is to say, more compassion and desire is needed to uplift our communities.  Even his more political songs served as a platform for us to awaken to the social ills at the time that we were in fact connected to.
     Recently, I've read about ten different interviews he did throughout the years, and came to find he is quite the comedian as well.  Gil Scott found irony in life's battles, and learned to laugh and even celebrate them.  A lesson, I think at some point we can all use to get through our personal road blocks.  He came across in his interviews as a humble spirit, who simply recognized his talent and was unapologetic for who he was.  Now in his transition, I wonder what his obituary reads. I can only imagine good things.  
    I believe Gil Scott Heron had very profound, straightforward messages that more of our people need to be awakened to as they are still very relevant in our current times .  He was not the best singer, but his music and message still resonated. In my book, that is a true artist.  I  have not yet listened to his latest album, but I'm glad that I am now even more familiar with his work and view  him as another hero on my list of "progressives".  As a side note, I found out he was a vegetarian at one point, so he definitely wins some cool points there :).  May he rest in peace.

Been Stuck on Donny Hathaway for a minute

Donny was such a creative blessing to the universe.  He left us too soon (age 34) but during the time he existed on this plane he shared his talents and blessed the world with pure, unadulterated love.  He gave of himself in each of his songs, as you could hear the hurt he may have been feeling at that given moment.  Well anyway, just thought I'd share the song that is resonating with me at this moment in my life mainly because I've felt this type of love before and right now I yearn to feel it again. 

If I ever leave you can say I told you so
And if I ever hurt you ..... you know I hurt myself as well

Is that any way for a man to carry on
Do you think I want my loved one gone
Said I love you
More than you'll ever know
More than you'll ever know

When I wasn't making much money
You know where my paycheck went
You know I brought it home to you baby
And I never spent a red cent

Is that any way for a man to carry on
Do you think I want my loved one gone
Said I love you
More than you'll ever know
More than you'll ever know

Now listen to this
I'm not trying to be
Just any kind of man
No I ain't
I'm just trying to be somebody
You can love, trust and understand
I know, I know, I know that I can be
A part of you that no one else could see
But I gotta hear you say
I got to hear you say
It's alright
I'm only flesh and blood
But I can be anything that you demand
I can be King of everything
Or just a tiny grain of sand
Now tell me

Is that anyway for a man to carry on
Do you think that I want my loved one gone
I love you
More than you'll ever know
I said I love you
I love you
I love you
Don't want nobody else but you.....

Friday, June 3, 2011

Good Posture Meditation

As a youth, my mother would always stay on me about my posture.  She would come behind me and straighten my shoulders up, saying that young ladies should walk with their backs straight.  Being the tomboy that I was,  I never paid her any attention.  Besides,  it felt wayyy better to slouch.  It was just comfortable and unfortunately became a really bad habit over the years.  Not to mention, working at a desk eight hours a day, only increased my slouching.  But as a mother myself now,  I find that I too, often come behind my daughter and tell her to keep her posture straight.  The only difference, is that I  give her a little better explanation as to why she should be conscious in her posture.  In my more mature years now, I've come to realize that good posture is important for more than how a "young lady should walk". I try to convey these benefits to my daughter when she ask WHY must she stand, walk, sit, straight.  Here are a few benefits that I've found through my research thanks to Celestine Chua:
  1. Facilitates breathing: A good posture naturally enables you to breathe properly.
  2. Increases concentration and thinking ability: When you are breathing properly, you increase your thinking ability too. More air, more oxygen. More oxygen, more brain food. More brain food leads to more thoughts and ideas.
  3. Improve your image: People with good postures look smarter and more attractive. Someone with a good posture naturally exudes an aura of assertiveness and appeal.
  4. Feel even better about yourself: When you have a good posture, it helps to make you feel more self-confident, without even doing anything else different. Try sitting in a bad posture now for 30 seconds. Now, switch to a good posture for 30 seconds as well. Is there any difference in how you felt?
  5. Avoid health complications: A bad posture results in several complications over time, such as increased risks of slipped disc, back aches, back pain, pressure inside your chest, poor blood circulation.
Some helpful ways to improve your posture are:

Get a good chair at the workplace
Eliminate bad habits that cultivate bad postures (i.e. no exercise, sleeping on your stomach)
Treat yourself to a massage (head, shoulder, and back)
Invest in a good bed and pillow
Ground your feet when sitting or standing

Those are only a few suggestions, but the long term benefits will be great!  I always thought my father was just a proud man because he walked with his head held high and his shoulders and back straight.  While, this may be true, he is also fully aware of the benefits from having such a stature.  So I plan to follow suit and try to stay conscious in my posture. I will admit, it is a little uncomfortable at first, but hopefully sooner than later it will become natural habit.   I hope this little tid bit of info was helpful to you and that you will also take heed.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Mommy Vaca-continued

Ummm.  things I would like to do while child free:

Go hiking
Make sure I work out everyday
Take a couple road trips
Have a summer fling/romance
Do African dance and Capoeira(again)
Become yoga certified
Go out more during the week (idk why)
Take sewing classes
Refresh my photography skills
Def have to make myself go clothes shopping
Decorate my room and the guest room
Write more
Catch up on some movies
Experiment on some new vegan recipes
is the magic numba.....

ps: knowing me, this list will continue to grow.

Mommy Vacation

So I have not had my daughter all this week, and I have to admit I'm kinda liking it.  It's like I'm on a vacation from single mommy hood. I feel a little guilty, but it is nice to not have to worry about another person, or wake up extra early to get her off to school and the like.  Dang, is this wrong?  I mean I'm really enjoying our time apart.  I only have to be concerned about me at the present moment, and the more I enjoy it, the more I feel like a bad mom..  I know, I'm not a bad mother, but I'm curious to know if other single moms have similar feelings, when/if they get a "break."  I'm taking it as a time to rejuvenate myself.  But I'm also not in any hurry to get her back.  On the flip side, she is probably also appreciating the break away from me.  So, in that sense I don't feel too bad.