So I read this Koan this am:
If somebody lies to you, what can you do?
I've been meditating on this all morning long, because there are not many things that disgust me. But being lied to is one thing that I loathe and I typically remove myself emotionally from anyone who has lied to me. I feed them with long handled spoons. Walls go up, and I never trust that person again. I've always viewed people that have lied to me as insulting my intelligence. I'm realizing now that I was depending on trying to reason with huemaness-a losing battle I suppose. I'm not saying lying is right, but I can see how one would sometimes choose a fib over truth in some situations. The fact of the matter is, I can not control someone lying to me, but I can control how I choose to deal with the situation going forward.
So I started thinking although I am a horrible liar, I can not act as if I've never lied before. I've been thinking of reasons I may have lied in the past; not as justification but moreso to acknowledge my human flaws. Times that come to mind were when I didn't want to be viewed as stupid, or I was afraid of being rejected in a certain situation, but never with the intention of insulting anyone else's intelligence. There's really no difference in me lying and being lied to. Intuitively, I think going forward I will be more cautious with how I deal emotionally with liars. What I won't do, is automatically shut down emotionally, or be suspect of an individuals every statement, like I have before. Not to be naive to the fact that I'm being lied to, but to be more accepting of the fact that a lie is not always with the intention of hurting someone even though that may be the outcome. Personally, I think I will stick with just telling the truth no matter how painful. I find a certain freedom in saying what I honestly feel and not being restricted to a lie that I'll have to remember. Its just too much work. So for those, that I may have lied to. I'm sorry. For those who have lied to me, I forgive you.