Sunday, May 15, 2011


So i've know this cat since before high school.  I remember spending summers at my cousin's house and he lived in the same neighborhood.  He would cook me french fries and bring them down to my cousin's house. (With mayonnaise, because he knew I liked french fries and mayonnaise).  We actually met at at party.  He went to Lee High school and I went to Sterling.  I was never really into boys in HS, so we were truly just friends.  Around sophomore year, he transferred to Sterling, so I saw him everyday.  Still we never hooked up, we were just really cool.  So after high school,  I moved to California and we still stayed in touch.  We just always had that friendshp connection.  Unfortunately, when I met my ex,  me and my friend lost touch.  I had not heard from in years.  I moved back to Texas in 2003 and we re-connected in 2005.  Apparently he had been through quite a lot in the years we were not in touch. I mean a lot like and out of jail a lot.  When  we re-connected though,  he seemed to back on the right path.  In 2005, I was really at a low, depressing point in my life.  I had just gotten out of a long relationship and new to single-motherhood.  Well my friend was there for me.  He listened just when I needed someone outside of my family to listen.  He was definitely a shoulder to cry on.  And it became more than a shoulder at some point.  We crossed THAT line.   It seemed natural, as we had so much history and it was fun.  I kept things really light emotion-wise because I knew I didn't want a relationship after just coming out of something so intense.  But he "caught feelings"  and it really put a strain on our friendship.  Somehow, though we made it through that trial.  As a matter of fact, I think he had gotten a girlfriend which made things easier.  Well he went back to his old ways and bad decisions and ended up getting in trouble again.  Next thing I know he is in jail.  Then prison.  I visited him in jail, as it was just minutes away from my job.  As a friend, I did what I could to be supportive to him.  Then he was transferred to prison.  I used to write regularly,  but I found myself writing about the same things.  "Keep your head up"  " I pray you make it out soon"  type letters. It was starting to depress me. Moreso, because I know the type of cat he is, so much potential just gone down the drain.   So I stopped writing and now I feel bad about.  I realized HIS-story,  had nothing to do with our history.  As friends,  we will always have history.  But his choices has made HIS-story real fucked up. Now every time I try to write, its like all the ink in my pen dries up. I have no words, and I'm saddened by this.  Its like I dont want to tell him what good is going on for me out in the "free" world.  Not that he wouldn't be happy for me,  but I just know he is in there. So I'm making yet another attempt to put something on paper for my friend.  I know he would appreciate a letter.  But it is truly a struggle.

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