xoxoxo

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannont live within---James Baldwin

diving hearts

On the edge
Ready to dive
Heart first
Into love
Swim into chance
or better yet
Romance
On the edge
Ready to backstroke
in vulnerability
Free from fear
I am there and
The waters are warm
 and Mama Intuit
Says let Love
Show you how deep
She can be
Let her bathe and
Cleanse you in her aura
And shine brightly on you
and
He

Baptism

Rain showers reign the earth
Cleansing its tarnished girth
And washing away the sinners
Sins
Sans Judgement
Baptism
Irrigating
Troubled souls
Searching
Searching
For Love
Outside of self
Searching
Searching
For Peace
Thru War
Searching
Searching
For God
In lost religions
Justification unfounded
Sins compounded
Hoping
Hoping
For burdens to be lifted
Coping
Coping
Thru glass pipes
Needles
And
Empty gin bottles
Gettin' lifted
Sex, drugs, rock n roll
Rain showers reign the earth
Save our souls
Wash away our sins
Sans judgement
Baptise in the water
Wade in the Water
Wade in the Water, children
Wade in the Water
God's gonna trouble the water..........

Frosting-Langston Hughes

Freedom
Is just frosting
On somebody else's
Cake-
And so must be
Til we
Learn how to
Bake.

Its really dangerous when you start comparing yourself to another person or persons.  Always focus on who you are, rather than who you are not. Draw strength and motivation from your positive and negative aspects and the desire to grow and become a better you.  Things may look good on the outside of another individual, but you never know what they truly have going on.  I've personally beat myself up about where I "should" be in life, but I'm glad I realized a long time ago just how self-destructive that thought process is.  So, I do me.  I enjoy me.  I love me.  Just as I am.

My intuition is speaking crystal clear to me.  Without hesitation or guess,  I know that this will be a very adult relationship.  The relationship may end up being one of friendship or something more intimate, but what I know for sure is that games will not be played.  There is a layer of understanding that supercedes all the other typical bs/drama that a relationship would entail..  This is refreshing.  The challenge will be to keep it this way and I intend to be conscious and accountable for my part as much a possible. 

randomrambling

The digger I deep, the more imperfect I realize I am.
Everyday I am more humbled by the opportunity to become a better me
and still remain, well ---me.  Excited by the realization of how much I don't know and the chances to learn new things.  I've never felt, like I've had to compromise who
I am to look better in the eyes of beholders... I am thankful for that skill.
Yet still,  my own conscience,  personal motivations, yearnings for growth,  urge to me to continue
Seeking that higher high.  Continued knowledge of self.  Continue love of self.
And with every imperfect step,  I trust that the universe will allow me to lead by example
 showing that my imperfections, are my unique designs.  Not cookie cut. But rather cut from various cloths.....love.hate.anger.jealously.peace.happiness.genuineness.creativity.depth.complexities.experiences.vulnerability....and so on....one big gumbo of huemaness.
And everyday is an opportunity to improve, acknowledge, accept, iron out, wrinkle up that cloth.
Such is this thing called life and I gratefully embrace it.

words of wisdom

From a friend on twitter.  "You like, what you like.....No need to force it."......   and I will add,  No need to fight against it.  Just acknowledge it and let it flow. I love how messages come to me, when I least expect it.  Thanks Friend!

finefor 3 5 and bey ooooooonnnnnd

I ran five miles yesterday and it felt really good.  It's amazing how the body responds to movement.  My body felt like a bottle of water that had been sitting stagnant and had been shaken up.  My blood renewed by this shake (exercise).  I haven't been consistent like usual, but I'm back on it.  Another one of those, once I start ain't no stopping type things.  Thirty five is approaching and I insist on being in my best shape yet.

TRUTH

now

This moment's presence
Smiles and dances with me
Promising
Pots of Gold and
Illuminated tunnels
The rear view
Now obsolete
And obstructed
By cosmic interception
Perception of a time
When hands were tied
Willingly, but
Now I dance and smile back
Unrestricted
Reflecting and receiving
What is now

i'm not buying it--- literally and figuratively

I helped my cousin with a catering event yesterday.   It was all about "being natural" and that whole lifestyle.  There were a lot of beautiful black people in the venue and that was encouraging and exciting to see.  However, I left there feeling like the word "natural" is nothing more than an overused marketing ploy and I'm not buying it---literally.  There were so many vendors selling natural products and doing natural hair and eyebrow consultations to detect your "eyebrow innerg" (lol and smh).  I must admit, although it was interesting I left feeling conflicted about the idea of "natural".  One cant knock the hustle.  The market is there, so why not take advantage of it right?  I mean, so many people are deciding to embrace who they were to begin with.  Themselves.  But I dont know if it's because my own personal definition of natural also parallells with minimalism when it comes to hair, skin, nails, diet etc.   But I just cant fall for the okey doke.  Seriously, what is the difference between peddling a natural hair product versus let's say creamy crack products?  What is the difference between a natural person's sink counter contents versus a person with a perm's sink counter contents if they are both loaded down with "product"  regardless if its natural or not?  Either way, consumerism is alive and well.  I mean sure the vendors were pushing the whole natural idea behind their product (moisturizers, creams, jellies, juices and berries) but in my opinion the same tactics are employed to lure women consumers in as with any other cosmetic.  The idea of making yourself "prettier" is still behind the scenes. The vanity still exists and consumers continue to search for products to enhance their beauty---naturally so.  I suppose one should feel less guilty and more empowered using a natural moisturizer to make that curl snap just right or the organic makeup is just better because well, it's organic.  I just question the authenticity of the whole natural hair/lifestyle phenomena.  Not to say that there aren't those out there, who know the deal.  But nowadays it seems like it just sounds and looks cool to be vegan/vegetarian and taunt a big fro or long, tightly twisted and dyed locs. Afterall, having this "appearance" gives one a certain rebelliousness, different-ness, and of course attention.  But the vibe I got from the event yesterday was that, it was not deeper than those surface titles/appearances.   I think growing up in a household where dreadlocs, aloe vera, olive oils, and regular ol' shampoo was all I knew and needed makes it difficult for me to accept this phenomena.  Perhaps, some would say i'm being closed minded. Don't get me wrong, I love the excitement people have when they discover a "new" thing.  But I just wonder how long will the fad lasts.  It truly is a lifestyle that is rich with history sans "product"  or titles.

palpitation

The heart yearns for
What it needs not
Intuitively knowing it
Cannot seek refuge
In its untimely desires
Nor can it gain restoration
From paths
Traveled between
Hues of Jade and Rose
Yet still, it yearns
Taking care not to become a
Spectacle
Gazing through those
Spectacles

Koan

 

So I read this Koan this am:

If somebody lies to you, what can you do?

 

I've been meditating on this all morning long, because there are not many things that disgust me.  But being lied to is one thing that I loathe and I typically remove myself emotionally from anyone who has lied to me. I feed them with long handled spoons.  Walls go up, and I never trust that person again. I've always viewed people that have lied to me as insulting my intelligence.  I'm realizing now that I was depending on trying to reason with huemaness-a losing battle I suppose.  I'm not saying lying is right, but I can see how one would sometimes choose a fib over truth in some situations. The fact of the matter is,  I can not control someone lying to me, but I can control how I choose to deal with the situation going forward.

 

So I started  thinking although I am a horrible liar, I can not act as if I've never lied before.  I've been thinking of reasons I may have lied in the past; not as justification but moreso to acknowledge my human flaws.  Times that come to mind were when I didn't want to be viewed as stupid, or I was afraid of being rejected in a certain situation, but never with the intention of insulting anyone else's intelligence.  There's really no difference in me lying and being lied to.  Intuitively, I think going forward I will be more cautious with how I deal emotionally with liars.  What I won't do, is automatically shut down emotionally, or be suspect of an individuals every statement, like I have before. Not to be naive to the fact that I'm being lied to, but to be more accepting of the fact that a lie is not always with the intention of hurting someone even though that may be the outcome.  Personally, I think I will stick with just telling the truth no matter how painful.  I find a certain freedom in saying what I honestly feel and not being restricted to a lie that I'll have to remember.  Its just too much work. So for those, that I may have lied to.  I'm sorry.  For those who have lied to me,  I forgive you.